Things that Don't Fix Themselves

+ Voxer is available!

Last time, I retold you all the story of how I graduated from painful relationship patterns and relearned how to love and be loved — and I’m deeply proud of all the ways I am more connected, creative, and effective than ever before.

BUT ! as all of us growth-oriented people know, the work is never done. Hence why, two Fridays ago, I found myself weeping at the dining room table.

I’d just submitted a fourth invoice that showed 18 hours too many. Tense and tired, I sat frozen in front of my to-do list. Simple things like singing and laundry had fallen to the wayside, and my creative projects were begging for attention that I couldn’t give.

I slumped in my chair. How much longer would I ache for change without doing anything about it?

I wish I could tell you that this behavior only happened with work, but when my internet got spotty the week prior, I had taken the same approach: Maybe it will work itself out. Every Zoom meeting I had to be off-camera for only fueled my blind hope that the problem would magically disappear.

The helpless denial was disturbingly familiar, a vestige of the old me, who lived like she was an island and like people didn’t really care about her.

In that world, bringing up needs is futile, because in that world, I am barely human, just a doer and a giver in someone else’s reality. Helplessness and denial were how I survived.

(In Calling in “The One”, we call this the False Love Identity, a matrix of limiting beliefs usually formed from trauma that serves as an unconscious foundation for our choices and actions… until we wake up to the truth.)

I don’t live there anymore. Yet every year, I discover leftover behaviors and ways of relating that need to be replaced, old software that needs to be updated.

If you think you have your shit together, you’re probably just standing in it.

I live in a connected world now, one where the people in my life (me included!) care deeply about my well-being.

My boss had already been thinking about what needed to change, so when I brought it up, we were able to reduce my hours immediately.

When my internet ground to a halt and I finally asked Trevor for help, he discovered that a router had crapped out and promptly fixed it.

When, after a year of mysterious back pain, I hired a massage therapist to help me correct the imbalance in my hips, I saw improvements in less than a week.

A dear friend’s plumber said it best when, after spending hours clearing a clogged sink, he told her: Call me when it starts slowing down. I can fix it much faster if you catch it then. Plus, you pay rent here — don’t wait 2 weeks to call me, you deserve to have a sink that’s working.

In this world, you deserve to have a sink that’s working. And there are people who make their living by ensuring that your sink works.

For those of us who grew up people-pleasing to avoid conflict or criticism, this kind of healthy entitlement can feel like a foreign language. But like any language, we can learn it.

Even though we might have learned to be overly tolerant, we can practice heeding the warning signs 🚩 as quickly as they reveal themselves. We can show up for, protect, and negotiate for ourselves in the moment.

Even though we might have been unconsciously taught that things can’t be better than they are — that we are powerless, that we must simply accept what is given and ask no questions — we, now grown-ass adults, can acquire skills and access resources to build a life that is no longer defined by and expands well beyond what we’ve known.

And we can learn (for good 🤞) the difference between patience, knowing when things need their own time to unfold, and denial, refusing to admit the truth (and thereby giving up all power to change the situation).

In this world, we deserve to have a sink that’s working. Things get to work out for us. How we feel and what we need matters. We’re allowed to be supported. Well. Happy. We can call the plumber.

We deserve to have a _______ that’s working.

⭐3 Announcements

1. I’m on Voxer!

For clients with a coaching package or anyone who’s completed at least 3 sessions with me (group or individual), you can now access ongoing coaching & guidance between sessions through the Voxer app. You can ask questions or share your process via texts, voicenotes, photos, etc.

Add Voxer here (subscription and month-to-month options are available.)

2. Registration is OPEN for September’s Calling in “The One” Group -

10 Weekly Group Sessions to graduate from old patterns and create a happy, healthy future of love. $350, and all registrants receive a bonus 30-minute private coaching call with me. Learn more & Register here.

3. I’m singing this Thursday at 3pm Pacific!

Myself and 5 others will be singing original songs that we created during our Songwriter's Journeys with The Brothers Koren. Being audience to the courage and freedom of these voices will give you a creative jolt! I hope you’ll join the celebration. Sign up here for the free access info.