To see is to love
...the view from my coffee table
Hello via voice-to-text, live from under my coffee table in Bishop, California.
I’m holding hands with my cat who got an enema at the vet and cried like a human baby.
I don’t think this last six months (maybe even the last eighteen months) was easy for anyone. The energy is finally lightening up now, but all I’m hearing lately are stories of triumph, the kind of victories that cost, at the very least, some blood, sweat, and/or tears in the process.
We’ve come through the proverbial tunnel only to find that the light comes with a whole new set of adventures… or problems, depending on how you feel that day.
So, before our high-functioning selves begin scoping the next mountain to climb or the next DIY project to spec, I’m inviting you to crawl under this coffee table stand on this plateau with me.
Here, I’ll scoot over.
Take a load off and
enjoy
the
view.
Even if we’re not where we thought we would be.
Even if we’re not where we hoped to be.
Especially then.
We’re growers, doers, and creators, and I hope we never stop.
But when I think about our capacity to grow, do, and create, I think about the value of being witnessed and encouraged by someone who is on your side and paying attention.
Someone who is committed, present, and willing to tell the truth. Someone who shows us how to play the long game by being a model of patience, practice, and progress. Someone, who, in seeing us, presses pause on the hustle of life, delights in our presence, and reminds us of the joy of being.
Not all of us get this need met when we’re growing up, despite people’s best efforts. And since we’re relational creatures, when we’re not fully seen and acknowledged, we can easily internalize the sense that we don’t fully exist, don’t matter, and/or aren’t worth it. It’s in this ache that we begin to people-please or perform in a misguided attempt to be seen, to effort and care for others much more than we will for ourselves. And in forgetting ourselves, we limit ourselves. We cope in various ways and still do incredible things, but the ceiling finds us eventually. The ache catches up to us.
In Calling in “The One”, learning to see-acknowledge-remember ourselves is part of the larger goal of being a co-creator of healthy connection and love. Acknowledging ourselves is about seeing ourselves and others clearly; it’s essential to truth-telling, boundary-setting, and building trust and intimacy. When we begin witnessing and encouraging ourselves, it sets the standard for who we allow into our lives.
Seeing ourselves is owning precisely how we arrived here, for better and for worse, and taking responsibility for our future. Remembering ourselves is a reclamation of our own authority and takes people off the pedestals we built for them. Seeing ourselves and others clearly releases us from being overly responsible for them or trying to get them to change.
To see clearly is to tell the truth — the one where we’re just as human as anyone else.
To see clearly is to be present.
To see is to love ourselves as we are, right now.
I asked you here, under this coffee table on this plateau, to remember that you are enough. And no matter what you see, no matter what truth you reveal, in spite of everything you have been through and because of everything you have been through, you are here and you are loved.
Look at the mess you made.
Look at the beauty you found.
Take the time you deserve to be truly seen. By yourself, first and most of all.
No fixing, no judgment, just presence.
We begin our next chapter with love.
to ENJOY:
💞 Coach Carrie Fitzgerald @yourintentionallife gave us last month’s “You deserve to have a sink that works” wisdom and I’ll never look at a sink the same way again. Follow her for more on love, breakups, attachment issues, and modern feng shui.
⚽ I’m 3 years late but omfg Ted Lasso. I can’t get over how many (and how well) healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics are depicted in this Emmy Award-winning dram-com where a Kansas football coach tries his hand at leading a British soccer club. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wish you had an accent.
🍦 I’m eating scoops of Katie Rosenhouse’s Mint Oreo Brownie No-Churn Ice Cream between every meal. Too easy to make and too good to stop. Hint: Use this brownie recipe as a topping/add-in.
Every day, I am grateful for you. More soon, xo.
Love this....To love thy self first is such a different way of living. GRATEFUL to have been led to people like you and Katherine. Helps to be taught a different way of living especially when no one teaches you this as a child....
Thanks for sharing